I leave Moshi tomorrow.
I have received several emails and messages in the last little while saying things like, “you must be excited to come home!” Unfortunately, I am not. I don’t want to leave here. I don’t want to leave Tanzania. There are certainly people I miss from home and will be excited to see, but seeing those people is what is exciting, not the going home part. Please, for those of you who I am going to see, keep this in mind. I may not be all smiles when I arrive back in Canada. Keep in mind that I made a life here as well. I have a home here; I have a family here, and here, I have made a difference.
There is a difference between the goodbyes I said at home when I came here and the goodbyes I will have to give tomorrow. Instead of “see you in three months,” these goodbyes are likely for good.
I am not reluctant to leave because of I feel I haven’t accomplished what I set out to do, because I have. I am fortunate enough to be able to leave here saying I accomplished everything I could have. I was able to do a lot for White Orange Youth while I was here. I wrote 5 comprehensive grant proposals; I organized and carried out a national AIDS memorial event; I taught safe practice to many people; I handed out thousands of condoms; I helped plan and carry out mobile testing events; I showed the accountant how to do accounting, and I learned more than I could have ever imagined. My volunteer term was a success. For that, I am lucky and thankful.
Yet, I have many things to do before I leave. So many pictures to take, so many goodbyes to say, so little time. I am not ready to go.
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Just remember you can always go back to Tanzania. You will go back. Maybe not to the same people, or the same house, or the same projects, but you can go back to the same atmosphere that has played such an important part in helping you create yourself.
ReplyDeletePlus, coming home will give you a lot of time to think and come up with new ideas for the next time you go. Perhaps you can change perspectives here in the meantime, and encourage others to take the leap into a different world.
I know this will bring you little consolation, and the next few weeks will be really difficult for you. I also realize that we never got to know eachother very well, but I want you to know that I'm around if you need to talk. I share your love for Africa and the people there. My relationship with the continent has been long distance, but I miss and worry about my friends there all the time and I yearn for the love and smiles that can be found there. I would also really appreciate hearing about the CCS experience. I'm trying to keep my energy up so that I'll get better and can go on my own adventure soon :)
(P.S.- You need to get the new K'Naan CD. The first song is "T.I.A." You'll love it.)